I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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