Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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