this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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