Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
