Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
