Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
