Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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