i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
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i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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