wanna go halves on a baby?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am naked and annoyed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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