Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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