One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize