I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
