I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
