You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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