If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I met the friendliest cop last night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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