i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
