just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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