How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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