There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
