The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
