This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
