Nicole vs. Life
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
