I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
