the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
