Who wears a wallet chain?!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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