areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
