think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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