i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
