So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
