so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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