i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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