i barfeds in our rink
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
