Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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