Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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