ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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