I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
