I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
