the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
