After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize