i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
