I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
