I just made out with a guy for $7.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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