Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
