Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
