My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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