Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
