cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this just has baby written all over it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
