My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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