a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
