im drinking this country out of the recession.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
