She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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