I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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