aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
