How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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