I wish my penis had an off switch
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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