break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
