i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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