guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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