You work out of a Hotel?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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