i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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