I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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