umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
