His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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