Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
