Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
