He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
