So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
