So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
